Hey yall,
If you’ve been around here a while, you know I love to serve. Board meetings, alum events, planning committees, you name it.
Well, this summer, I stepped off a board.
At the time, I was serving on the NAWBO (National Association of Women Business Owners) Richmond board as VP of Programming and as past chair of the UR (University of Richmond) Black Alumni Network. Then I was voted in as Chair of my high school’s advisory board. Richmond Community High School shaped me in so many ways, and I talk about the value of that education any chance I get.
So that was a yes. An easy, joyful, full-body yes.
The problem was everything I had already said yes to. Just a month earlier, I’d told my Black alumni network team I was thinking about staying on for another term as past chair. The moment the advisory board vote came in, my brain started working on a very creative plan to make it all work.
The reality is that I wasn’t the one making that plan. My Saboteurs were.
Meet My Saboteurs
Through my work with the Positive Intelligence Institute, I’ve learned that Saboteurs are the voices in our heads that once helped us succeed and now quietly get in our way. My two loudest ones showed up right on cue.
The Pleaser didn’t want to disappoint anybody. It was perfectly willing to put everyone else’s comfort ahead of my wellness and my intuition, as long as no one felt let down.
The Avoider didn’t want to admit there was a conflict at all. Why have an uncomfortable conversation today when you could have it later?
Neither of them is a villain. My Pleaser grew out of something I genuinely love about myself: my care for people and my heart for service. My Avoider grew out of wanting to keep the peace. Those are strengths. But strengths on autopilot can create chaos; too much of a good thing.
The Pause
Everything changed when I paused long enough to see my Saboteurs for what they were. Grace also showed up in that pause.
I remembered something I teach all the time and constantly have to return to: centering my health and wellness is my responsibility. Nobody else can do it for me. Not my board, not my calendar, not my good intentions.
And saying yes beyond my capacity wouldn’t actually spare anyone disappointment. It would only postpone it. Down the road, I’d be the board member who couldn’t follow through, which means harder conversations and bigger letdowns than the one I was trying to dodge.
So I reached for a tool from my Positive Intelligence training that I use whenever I’m struggling to choose a path that fits my values and purpose: the Flash Forward exercise.
Picture yourself at the end of your life, looking back. What do you wish you had chosen?
When I did that, the answer was clear. I had given almost a decade of leadership to my Black alumni network, and I’m proud of that. It was time to share that love with my high school in a more formal way. I also want to look back and see that my service was exciting, challenging, and transformational, not something I dragged myself through on empty. I can’t serve like that while I’m stretched thin.
Avoiding my Avoider
Knowing the right choice and having the conversation are two very different things.
So instead of putting it off, I sent an email ahead of our meeting. It gave me space to share openly and my teammates time to take in the news before we talked. When we met, the conversation was focused, I felt much less self-conscious, and I walked away feeling confident and understood.
Was it still uncomfortable? Absolutely. But I realized it would have been far more uncomfortable to let my school down. Sometimes the hard conversation is exactly what makes room for what’s next.
Your Turn
Whether you lead a classroom, a team, a nonprofit, or your own business, your Saboteurs are planning to join you in 2027. They probably have their own vision board. The question is whether they ride in the passenger seat or take the wheel.
Pause & Ponder:
Think of one yes you’re carrying right now that feels heavy.
Ask yourself who made that decision: you, or a Saboteur?
Try the Flash Forward. What would future you be proud of?
Business owners: let’s do this together.
If you run your own business, this part is for you. If you don’t own a business, keep reading anyway; you may know someone who needs this.
When you ARE the business, your patterns become your business strategy. A Pleaser fills your calendar with work that doesn’t fit. An Avoider puts off the pricing conversation, the tough client email, or the big decision you already know you need to make.
I’m teaming up with Dorian Cunion and Cristina Martinez de Andino for the Capacity Building Workshop, a two-part virtual working session for solopreneurs.
Part 1: Mindset | Preventing Your Strengths From Becoming Your Saboteurs
Wednesday, November 4 | 1:00 to 2:30 p.m. ET | $69, which includes the Saboteur Assessment
Together we’ll:
→ Identify the Saboteurs that show up for you
→ Explore how they get in the way of your goals
→ Build practical strategies to manage them differently
Part 2: Strategy | Making Space for Your Business
Wednesday, November 18 | 1:00 to 2:30 p.m. ET
Register for both and get three hours dedicated to working on your business for just $110.
Until we connect again, take care and stay well,
Tamisha
PS. On multiple levels, I’m glad I decided to roll off that board. Life has been LIFE-ing in new ways that have taken up more time and attention than I expected. Stay tuned. More on that, and how I’m navigating this season of life (which feels more like multiple seasons happening at once).
